Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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