he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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