I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
