Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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