I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
