he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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