Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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