We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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