I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
