I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
