Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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