I am in a vortex of obligation.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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