Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i barfeds in our rink
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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