And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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