I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
