were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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