thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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