Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
