Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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