Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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