NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
