Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
