Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
