Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
