i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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