And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
