I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
