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Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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