Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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