Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
