too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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