So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
