I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
