in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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