I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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