im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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