Dual....:-)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
