VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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