Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
