Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
