Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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