i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
