i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
