I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize