if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
