tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
