You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
