Sacagawea was the original milf.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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