I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
