I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
