dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
