Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
