it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
