he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
