and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize