I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
