Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
