Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
