I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
