i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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