I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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