of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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