Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
